29 May 2026
Why So Many Gifted Women Lose Themselves Along the Way
As co-author of the book Diep gedacht en intens gevoeld [Deeply Thought, Intensely Felt]: Verhalen van hoogbegaafde vrouwen [Stories of Gifted Women], I previously wrote a reflection on the personal story “Een heel rappe” [A Very Fast One] (Geysen & Santes, 2026). When I first read that text, what struck me most was how often gifted women recognize themselves only later in life — not despite their strengths, but precisely because of the way they have learned to cope with them.
What stands out most is not the fast thinking itself.
It is the constant pushing through.
The carrying.
The functioning on sheer willpower.
Many gifted women have spent years adapting themselves to the expectations of others without ever asking what truly fits them.
As children, many of them are described as independent, sensible, responsible, or “mature for their age.” They quickly sense what others need, take initiative naturally, and develop a remarkable capacity to carry responsibility. Their environment often admires this — but rarely sets limits around it.
And that is precisely where a trap can begin to form.
Gifted women often recognize themselves only later in life because their strengths are closely intertwined with adapting, pushing through, and carrying a strong sense of responsibility. As a result, exhaustion and identity-related struggles often remain unnoticed for a long time.
Not everything you are cognitively capable of handling is something you also have to carry. Many gifted women function for years on willpower and adrenaline, causing boundaries, rest, and personal needs to fade into the background.
Recognition and self-compassion are often more important than constantly trying to improve yourself. Stories from other gifted women can help uncover patterns of perfectionism, over-adaptation, and self-doubt.
Not Everything You Can Do Needs to Be Done
When you spend years being the person who can handle everything, being strong no longer feels like just a personality trait.
It becomes an identity.
Rest then quickly starts to feel uncomfortable — or even something to feel guilty about.
Asking for help feels unnatural.
Slowing down almost feels like failure.
What struck me in the story from the book was how strongly the author kept proving herself for years. New studies, building a practice, raising children, renovations, additional training programs… always moving forward, again and again.
Many gifted women recognize this pattern.
They often have broad interests, learn quickly, and constantly see new possibilities. As a result, it easily begins to feel as though everything should be possible all at once. But cognitive capacity is not the same as emotional capacity.
Just because you can do something does not mean it gives you energy.
Perhaps that is one of the hardest lessons for gifted women: realizing that not everything that is potentially possible also needs to be realized.
Not every talent needs to be developed to its maximum.
Not every opportunity needs to be taken.
And not every responsibility should automatically end up on your shoulders.
Many women become so accustomed to functioning on adrenaline that they only realize how exhausted they truly are when their body forces them to stop.
Who Are You Outside of Your Roles?
What also stands out is how strongly many gifted women become fused with their roles. They are the responsible daughter, the strong partner, the caring mother, the driven professional.
But somewhere along the way, a confronting question often emerges:
Who am I, apart from what I mean to others?
That question does not necessarily arise from a lack of success, but rather from the feeling that very little space remains for what is spontaneous, light, or personally nourishing.
Gifted women are often strongly oriented toward meaning and growth. They want to understand, learn, deepen, and improve. That can be an enormous strength, but it can also lead to a situation in which rest only feels acceptable once it has been “earned.”
Even relaxation then becomes goal-oriented:
learning something,
developing oneself,
becoming more efficient.
While recovery often emerges precisely from things that do not need to serve any purpose at all.
Walking without a goal.
Reading without having to remember anything.
Being creative without performance pressure.
Or simply not solving anything for a while.
You Do Not Have to Be a Lifelong Self-Improvement Project
What I also often see in coaching and guidance is that gifted women continue to approach themselves as projects that constantly need work. They analyze themselves deeply, search for explanations, read books, follow trainings or therapy, and try to understand themselves better.
That can be valuable.
But sometimes another message quietly slips in as well:
that they are only allowed to feel at peace once everything has been solved.
As if they first need to become completely balanced before they are allowed to relax or feel satisfied with themselves.
Maybe not everything needs to be solved.
Maybe not every intensity needs to be softened.
Maybe your fast mind does not constantly need to be regulated or corrected.
Sometimes recognition in itself can already be an enormous relief.
Understanding why you think the way you do, why you have felt different for so long, or why certain things cost you so much energy can already be enough to look at yourself with greater compassion.
Not Everyone Needs to Fully Understand You
Many gifted women also feel the need to constantly explain themselves to others. Why they think so deeply. Why they react so intensely. Why superficial conversations exhaust them. Why they need both rest and challenge at the same time.
That constant explaining takes energy.
Perhaps the solution is therefore not always to become even better at explaining yourself, but rather to become more selective about to whom you keep explaining yourself.
Not everyone needs to fully understand you.
And perhaps that is no longer your responsibility either.
The Power of Recognition
What makes stories such as those in Diep gedacht en intens gevoeld [Deeply Thought, Intensely Felt] so valuable is precisely that sense of recognition. Not because they offer ready-made answers, but because they give words to experiences many women have carried alone for years.
They show how giftedness in women is expressed not only through cognitive strengths, but also through doubt, perfectionism, a strong sense of responsibility, intense involvement, and sometimes deep exhaustion.
And perhaps that is exactly what matters most: discovering that you are not the only one.
In Diep gedacht en intens gevoeld: Verhalen van hoogbegaafde vrouwen [Deeply Thought, Intensely Felt: Stories of Gifted Women], women openly share their experiences with giftedness, identity, relationships, work, and self-image. The book offers not only recognition, but also language for feelings and patterns that often remain unnamed for years.
You may not recognize yourself in every story.
But perhaps in more than you expect.
You can purchase the book through our website: https://www.hoogbloeier.be/nl/boeken/diep-gedacht-en-intens-gevoeld
Please note that the book is written in Dutch.
When you order the book through this link, we receive a small referral contribution, which also helps support the ongoing work of Hoogbloeier®.
1.Why do many gifted women only recognize themselves later in life?
Because giftedness in women often expresses itself less through visible high achievement and more through adapting, carrying responsibility, perfectionism, and constantly pushing through. Many women learn to function on sheer willpower, causing their cognitive strengths to remain under the radar for a long time.
2.Why do gifted women more often become exhausted or overstimulated?
Many gifted women combine a fast-thinking mind with a strong inner drive and a deep sense of responsibility. They take on too much for too long, place high demands on themselves, and often feel that rest must first be “earned,” which can lead to chronic overload.
3.How can recognizing giftedness help adult women?
Recognition helps women better understand patterns such as perfectionism, over-adaptation, intense involvement, and self-doubt. That insight does not solve everything, but it can create more self-acceptance, self-compassion, and a stronger sense of self.
References
- Geysen, T., & Santes, N. (2026). Diep gedacht en intens gevoeld. Verhalen van hoogbegaafde vrouwen. Bigbusinesspublishers.
Copyright © 2026 Dr. Sabine Sypré – All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission from the author. Sharing online is permitted provided the author is credited and a link to this article is included.
