When Your Children Hold Up an Unexpected Mirror

Sometimes you discover things about yourself in the most unexpected moments.
For me, it all began years ago, when I started to suspect that one of my children might be gifted. First with our eldest, and shortly afterwards with the other three as well.

I dove into books, articles, and online information about giftedness. Everything was about them: how to recognize it, how to guide it, how to give them what they need.

And then, something unexpected happened

During my search, I also came across online IQ tests. Out of curiosity, I took one—just for fun, with no expectations. But the result made me think. The questions on the Mensa online test caught my attention, and before I knew it, I had received an invitation to take the actual admission test.

After much hesitation—and even skipping the first date out of sheer shyness—I eventually found myself one day in the back room of a café, surrounded by strangers. For an hour and a half, I solved puzzles and logic problems. Months later, when the results came in, it hit me like a thunderbolt: I had passed comfortably.

And that’s when another story began. Suddenly, I wasn’t just looking at my children—I was looking in the mirror. What did this mean for me? I had always thought: maybe them, but me? No. And yet… the test said otherwise. It raised questions about my identity, my choices, and the life I had built so far.

For years, I had adapted, kept myself small, avoided conflict. I had never truly shown the full extent of my thinking or feeling. Suddenly, I realized that many of the traits I recognized in my children also applied to me: the feeling of being an outsider, the need for depth, the quick pattern recognition—and, at the same time, not always daring to show it.

I didn’t immediately share this suspicion about myself. I had taken the tests, but admitting it—that was harder. What would others think? Arrogant? Overstated? And yet, deep down, I knew this story wasn’t just about my children.

Maybe you recognize this too

Maybe you see in your child—if you have children—behaviours, thought patterns, or sensitivities you’ve had your whole life, without ever naming them. Sometimes it’s that mirror they hold up so naturally that confronts us, as parents, with who we are ourselves.

And whether or not you take that step toward testing, the discovery can stir up a lot—about your past, the masks you’ve worn, and the future you might want to shape differently.

Curious whether you might also be (highly) gifted? Don’t let uncertainty hold you back. Contact Hoogbloeier® and we’ll connect you with a psychologist in your area for a giftedness assessment.

Copyright © 2025 Joke Verwerft – All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission from the author. Sharing online is permitted provided the author is credited and a link to this article is included.