I used to be gifted

Giftedness is often associated with children who excel at school.
But what if you discover—later in life—that you are gifted?
In this article, we take a closer look at adult giftedness, the challenges it presents, and the opportunities it offers for personal growth and development.

I used to be gifted

In my coaching practice, I work with a wide range of clients: teenagers struggling with motivation, primary school children with a fixed mindset, and adults—searching for themselves, for their children, or sometimes for both.

When I ask parents whether they consider themselves gifted, or whether they identify that way, there’s usually a moment of silence. For many adults, there’s still a strong hesitation to use the word gifted in reference to themselves. I often notice that mothers, in particular, are more willing to see it in their partner than in themselves. Terms like cognitively strong or quick-thinking are sometimes more acceptable.

Adults in search of themselves often begin their story with something like, “I used to be one of the top students in class,” or “I was tested once and they said I might be gifted,” usually followed by, “But I always had to work really hard at school,” or, “My grades started dropping once I got to secondary school.”

When I introduce myself and my practice—and explain what I do in addition to my freelance work in HR—I often hear a response like: “Oh yes, my brother/sister/cousin/I was gifted too, back in the day.”

Many people, including gifted individuals themselves, think of giftedness as something you have as a child and then somehow outgrow as an adult. Nothing could be further from the truth.

At the moment, there’s a growing focus on cognitive talent—but this hasn’t always been the case. Throughout history, we’ve seen a pendulum swing in how giftedness is viewed, often in response to labour market shortages, crises, or major societal shifts (Colangelo & Davis, 2003).

Today, many children are growing up with greater awareness of their cognitive strengths. Parents are more outspoken and actively seek explanations for why their child seems “different.” There is also increasing attention to cognitive talent in politics and education—for example through initiatives like Project TALENT or the Flemish policy for supporting cognitively strong learners.

Some refer to this focus as excellence. But that word gives me pause. It leaves me with a slightly bitter taste. I find myself wondering: “Does a gift imply an obligation?”

It’s a quote I once read somewhere, though I no longer remember who said it. But that’s a reflection for another article.

There is, in fact, an entire generation of fast thinkers who, through their search for answers for their own children—or thanks to the growing awareness around giftedness—are beginning to view their own otherness through a different lens.

Discovering one’s giftedness in adulthood is becoming increasingly common. But why does it often take so long for people to recognize it in themselves? And what does it actually mean to find out, as an adult, that you are gifted?

Why does it take so long to recognise giftedness?

There are several reasons why many adults only discover their giftedness later in life:

Societal expectations

There is still a stereotypical image of giftedness, one that centres primarily on young children with extraordinary talents. Most gifted individuals—whether children or adults—do not identify with this narrow portrayal.

Education

Research shows that teachers sometimes misjudge a student’s abilities. A pupil who consistently scores top marks clearly demonstrates potential. But what about underachievers, whose talents aren’t reflected in their academic results?

How are teachers supposed to recognise potential when it isn’t visible in grades?
Findings from Project TALENT (Lavrijsen & Verschueren, 2020) show that this is a real challenge—not just for teachers, but likely for other professionals working with gifted individuals as well.

This is echoed in a recent study by Scaliq (2024), which found that fewer than half of gifted students are actually recognised by their teachers. The odds of being identified are even lower if you are a girl, come from a disadvantaged background, have a migration background, or happen to be born in December.

Masking

Many gifted individuals learn at an early age to mask their differences in order to fit in—after all, we are social beings. But this constant adaptation can lead to a loss of self.

As a result, gifted individuals often end up in mental health care systems that are not well-equipped to deal with their fast, complex thinking. Giftedness is rarely taken into account in diagnosis, treatment, or support.

Because they are not recognised or acknowledged in their uniqueness, many gifted people struggle to truly connect with helping professionals. Yet recognition and validation are crucial for making progress.

A practitioner who is unaware of their client’s giftedness is often unintentionally drawn into the client’s socially desirable behaviour—gifted individuals are often skilled at adapting to others’ expectations—which can sabotage the effectiveness of the support process.

Lack of awareness

When today’s gifted parents and adults were growing up, the focus on giftedness was nowhere near what it is today. In fact, there is still limited awareness around adult giftedness (Brown et al., 2020).

Many people are simply unfamiliar with the characteristics and impact of being gifted. Fortunately, the rise of information technology, the internet, and other societal shifts have made knowledge and resources more accessible to a wider audience.

What does it mean to discover you're gifted as an adult?

Realising you're gifted later in life can be a relief. It can offer clarity about your behaviour and past experiences. It helps you better understand yourself and make choices that are more aligned with who you are.

But I also see adults go through a kind of grieving process—mourning missed opportunities, what could have been, the way others treated them, or the ways they have misunderstood or underestimated themselves over the years.

For many, this moment is cathartic. Some move through it with ease and quickly shift their focus to the future. For others, it's a longer, more emotional process—one where support from a psychologist or coach can be helpful, or even essential.

Do you grow out of it?

No—by now, that should be clear. Giftedness is an innate trait; it's not something you simply grow out of. However, the challenges and experiences that come with being gifted may evolve as you get older.

What can you do?

• Seek information: Read books, articles, and blogs about giftedness.

• Talk about it: Share your experiences with others—in online communities, with a coach, or a therapist.

• Take a test: An intelligence test can provide more insight into your cognitive profile. It can help clarify your strengths and weaknesses, but it's just a tool—not a goal in itself.

• Find support: There are various organisations and professionals who specialise in giftedness—including Hoogbloeier® and our expert network.

Conclusion

Discovering you're gifted in adulthood can be both challenging and liberating. For some, identifying as gifted is a crucial step in building a healthy self-image and forming a coherent sense of identity. This recognition often leads to increased self-awareness, self-understanding, and social insight, all of which contribute to greater psychological well-being (Horssen-Sollie, 2015).

It offers an opportunity to better understand yourself, to appreciate your unique qualities, and to build a life that aligns more closely with your needs and abilities.

Remember the wise words of the Roman philosopher Seneca:
“How you think about yourself is much more important than how others think about you.”

Acknowledging and embracing your giftedness may well be the key to living a more fulfilling and authentic life.

Whether you've only recently discovered you're gifted or have known for some time, remember: you’re not alone. Many others are walking a similar path. By continuing to grow, seeking support when needed, and embracing your unique strengths, you can create a life that honours the richness of who you truly are.

References:

• Brown, M., Peterson, E. R., & Rawlinson, C. (2020).  Research With Gifted Adults: What International Experts Think Needs to Happen to Move the Field Forward.Roeper Review, 42(2), 95-108. 
• Colangelo, N., Davis, G.A. (2003). Handbook of Gifted Education. Pearson Education, Inc.
• Horssen-Sollie, J. van (2015). Levensloopontwikkelingen in het zelfbeeld van hoogbegaafden. Delft: IHBV
• Lavrijsen, J., & Verschueren, K. (2020). Student characteristics affecting the recognition of high cognitive ability by teachers and peers. Learning and Individual Differences, 78.
• Scaliq. (2024). (On)gezien. Onderzoek naar voorspellende factoren bij het signaleringsproces van (vermoedelijk) (hoog)begaafde kinderen en/of kinderen met een ontwikkelingsvoorsprong door school en/of ouders. Scaliq Psychometrics.
• Verschueren, K., Soenens, B., Vansteenkiste, M., Donche, V., Struyf, E., & De Fraine, B. (2017). Tailoring education and care to talents of youth [Grant]. Belgium.

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