Helpful tips to decide whether to tell your child about giftedness.
I'm hesitant to inform my child about their giftedness. But is that the right approach?
Many individuals who discover that their child is gifted struggle with whether and how to communicate this to the child. There's often a fear that the child might become arrogant and feel alienated from others.
Nevertheless, it's essential to find a way to explain to your son or daughter that they are gifted. Regardless, your child will begin to notice their differences from an early age and may start feeling isolated. Explaining them is crucial before they seek their understanding.
Do you inform your child about their giftedness or not? Are there advantages or disadvantages associated with this? What should you consider when disclosing to your child that they are gifted? And what does Carol Dweck and her research on 'mindset' have to do with this?
At Hoogbloeier®, we believe that eventually, you'll need to inform your child of their giftedness. There's no need to fear that they'll feel different once they know; the child will inevitably start to feel different, even if you keep it undisclosed. In that case, the child will seek their explanations, perhaps thinking they are unkind, strange, or that other children are worth less. And that's not what we want.
However, how you convey this information is crucial, and that's where Carol Dweck's mindset theory can offer valuable insights.
To tell or not to tell?
For children under the age of five or six, it can be helpful to use a computer analogy. You might explain to them that their brain works like a computer, but it operates a bit faster than most other children's brains. They usually grasp this concept quite well. Additionally, you can expand on this by illustrating that while they may have a fast "computer" in their head, their ability to execute tasks might be limited by a slower "printer," meaning that what they think of may not always be easily achieved by their still-developing bodies.
For older children, up to about eight years old, consider recommending "Hoogbegaafd, nou èn?" by Wendy Lammers van Toorenburg. This book includes engaging illustrations that resonate with children of this age group. It specifically addresses gifted children themselves, making it relatable and accessible.
Children slightly older may find "De Hoogbegaafdheid Survivalgids" by Tessa Kieboom and Danielle Verheye more suitable. Written for gifted children aged eight to twelve, it blends humor with practical advice, creating an enjoyable reading experience. Unlike many other books on the subject, this one is crafted specifically for gifted children to read on their own.
Using the term "gifted" isn't always necessary right away. Instead, you can describe them as "quick thinkers," "deep thinkers," or "fast learners." Just be cautious about using terms like "smart" or "clever," as these labels can inadvertently encourage a fixed mindset, where children believe giftedness is innate and unchangeable.
It's vital to emphasize to your child that everyone has unique talents, different from their own, but equally valuable. This helps cultivate humility and respect for others' abilities.
How you communicate these ideas is crucial, as excessive praise for intelligence or talent can undermine self-esteem rather than boost it.
Carol Dweck's research on mindset, distinguishing between fixed and growth mindsets, underscores the importance of how we perceive intelligence in shaping our achievements.
Mindset
Individuals with a fixed mindset believe that intelligence and abilities are predetermined and cannot be improved. This mindset often develops from consistent feedback received from teachers and parents, such as:
Great answer! You must be really smart.
That was easy for you because you're smart.
You're good at that because you're smart.
Even comments from classmates, like "Luke is the smartest in the class, right?", can reinforce this belief.
This mindset can lead children to believe they are inherently intelligent, which may result in them avoiding effort because they associate it with being "dumb." Continuous affirmation of their intelligence may cause them to shy away from challenges, struggle with criticism, view setbacks as significant obstacles, underperform, and develop a fear of failure. Ultimately, their confidence in their abilities is undermined, leading to learned helplessness.
In contrast, the growth mindset holds that intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort. Individuals with a growth mindset embrace challenges, welcome feedback, enjoy learning, learn from failures, and find inspiration in successful individuals. They possess a strong and realistic confidence in their abilities, enabling them to achieve mastery.
As a parent or educator, you can foster a growth-oriented perspective on intelligence by:
- Prioritize the importance of effort in the learning process, shifting focus from the end result to the learning journey itself. Encourage the child to assess their own progress and growth
- Teach the child to embrace risks, sometimes at the expense of absolute accuracy or precision in the outcome
- Guide them in understanding the correlation between their efforts and the outcomes they achieve
- Use rewards cautiously, including praise, and reserve them for reinforcing behaviors that haven't been previously acknowledged. Instead, help them recognize the inherent satisfaction of tackling challenging tasks
- Highlight the significance of skill acquisition while reducing the emphasis on performance alone.
Interested in participating in mindset training at Hoogbloeier®?
During an initial consultation, we'll determine whether an individual or group mindset training is the best fit for you.
Throughout approximately seven weekly sessions, participants will learn about mindset theory. These sessions take place at the practice spaces of our partners, and participants will receive their workbook to use at home.
It's recommended for parents to also become informed about growth mindset practices to ensure they can support their child effectively. You can request an additional advisory session for personalized guidance on understanding fixed and growth mindsets, and receive advice tailored to your specific situation. Alternatively, you can attend a themed evening on the topic.
Browse through our list of partners to find a coach near you offering mindset training, and feel free to reach out to them for an initial consultation. For more information on mindset, check our agenda for upcoming lectures on this theme.
Copyright © 2023 dr. Sabine Sypré, Hoogbloeier® cvba – All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any other method, without the prior written permission of the author. Sharing online is permitted provided the author is credited and a link to this article is included.
