How can you effectively communicate with your gifted child's school?
How to effectively communicate with your gifted child's teacher?
Numerous parents, and often educators as well, express dissatisfaction with the communication channels at school. This dissatisfaction leads to frustrations, conflicts, and sometimes misunderstandings. Establishing effective communication with the school is crucial to address issues such as behavioral problems, learning difficulties, or challenges arising from boredom promptly and efficiently.
How can we foster effective communication among parents, teachers, and other school personnel? How do we prevent communication breakdowns? Why do these breakdowns occur?
Many parents of cognitively gifted children find themselves in recurring challenges when interacting with their children's teachers at school. Multiple factors contribute to these communication challenges between the two parties.
Misunderstandings
Parents of gifted children often possess a wealth of knowledge about cognitive giftedness, a resource that teachers may lack due to the absence of mandatory education on this topic in teacher training programs. Unfortunately, many parents hesitate to share this valuable information with teachers, fearing it may not be appreciated. Yet, schools would greatly benefit from acknowledging and utilizing this expertise.
Parents are often quick to recognize subtle signs indicating that their child may be veering off course again, based on their experiences with their children. Consequently, teachers may exhibit hesitation when approached by these parents once more, as they may not perceive the same signals.
Furthermore, differences in behavior between home and school environments can lead to confusion, making it appear as if parents are describing a different child altogether. This disparity in observations can contribute to misunderstandings between parents and teachers.
Emotions can run high during parent-teacher meetings, especially if the teacher raises concerns about the child's behavior or academic performance. Such discussions can be particularly challenging, especially when suspicions regarding the child's giftedness are first broached.
It's crucial to recognize how individual perspectives and backgrounds can shape communication. Highly educated parents may view their child's situation differently from teachers, which underscores the importance of empathy, understanding, and mutual respect in fostering effective collaboration for the well-being of the child.
Approach to School Meetings
To prevent conflicts and misunderstandings due to differing expectations, it's beneficial to engage the school early on and foster collaboration. Sustaining communication between teachers and parents is key to forming a partnership that prioritizes the child's welfare. Here are some pointers for effective communication during parent-teacher meetings at school:
- Outline your desired outcomes and concerns as a parent before the meeting
- Demonstrate empathy towards the teacher's feelings and perspective on the matter
- Avoid assigning blame to either party
- Treat the issue as a collaborative challenge that requires joint efforts
- Introduce new information starting from points that resonate with the teacher's observations
- Maintain openness to new insights, approaching discussions with curiosity and impartiality
- Acknowledge that bringing in an external expert (such as a psychologist or expert in gifted education) might be perceived as intimidating by teachers
- Implement a gradual, achievable approach and appreciate progress no matter how small
- Aim for consensus on the action plan, or agree on parts of it
- Allow yourself time for reflection if consensus isn't reached initially
- Involve the support of the care coordinator, principal, or CLB (Center for Pupil Counselling) personnel if needed
And if things truly aren't working out, recognize when it's time to step back! It could mean helping your child adjust to the situation, offering them a break, exploring a different classroom, or considering a different school...
These suggestions are equally applicable when seen from the teacher's point of view!
Communication Model
Understandably, misunderstandings and conflicts may arise during conversations once you grasp how our brains distort communication. Each individual has their unique model of the world. When events occur, they are perceived through sensory channels (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory, and gustatory). Each person favors particular channels for receiving stimuli, which may not align with those of their conversation partner. These stimuli are then processed uniquely in each person's brain.
Words may be omitted, images distorted, and generalizations made, all influenced by one's language, memories, decisions, values, norms, and beliefs. These factors differ for each individual and are further impacted by mood and emotional state, often influenced by body language. This complex process results in specific behaviors, which, for the conversation partner, trigger their internal processes, continuing the cycle.
Given everyone's distinct worldview, it's unsurprising that parents and teachers sometimes struggle to communicate effectively, as each interprets the world through their lens.
Discussion with the School? Our Coaches Offer Support!
Navigating school-related decisions as a parent can be complex, especially when emotions run high regarding your child. Remaining objective during these discussions can be challenging. We suggest seeking guidance from one of the coaches at Hoogbloeier®. They can join you in conversations with the school to help provide a solid foundation for any decisions that need to be made.
In our list of partners, you'll find their services listed under their names. Look for a coach nearby who offers school advice, and don't hesitate to reach out for an initial consultation.
Copyright © 2023 dr. Sabine Sypré, Hoogbloeier® cvba – All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any other means, without prior written permission from the author. Online sharing is permitted with attribution to the author and a link to this article.
