Making mistakes is okay: how parents and teachers can support children

During a walk in the forest, I saw the scene unfold: a toddler on his little bike, with his grandmother behind him, supporting him with a hand on the push bar. Sometimes she had to walk briskly when he pedaled fast, sometimes she had to weave. At one point, she let go, and he rode on by himself—until he hit a bumpy patch… boom, he fell and toppled completely onto his side. I was too far away to hear the reactions, but the toddler’s frustration was clear: he stubbornly remained on the ground, his grandmother had to pick him up, and he refused to ride any further. They continued on foot, the grandmother holding the bike while he trudged behind her.

What makes one child stay down after a fall while another jumps up and immediately tries again?

According to Carol Dweck's theory, there are two types of mindsets that determine how people deal with mistakes and failures. People with a fixed mindset see a mistake as a sign that they are not doing well and tend to give up easily. People with a growth mindset understand that mistakes are a natural part of learning something new. For them, mistakes are an indication that they are improving step by step. They do not let setbacks hold them back (Dweck, 2013).

But why do some gifted children, often at a very young age, develop a fear of failure? And why does this cause them to struggle in their studies? The lack of understanding from those around them is sometimes significant: they have a sharp mind and rarely make mistakes—so how is this possible?

Fear of failure is the fear of making mistakes or not meeting the expectations of oneself or others. Not everyone deals with this fear in the same way. Some avoid mistakes through avoidance behavior. They anticipate failure and simply do not start. Those who are also verbally strong can mislead parents and teachers with excuses such as, "I don’t find it interesting or fun anyway."

Others exhibit overactive behavior and continue practicing or studying endlessly. They struggle to recognize when something is “good enough” and keep pushing forward, often at the expense of other important aspects of their lives and their well-being. This can lead to perfectionistic behavior.

How children handle mistakes depends on their environment: family, school, hobby clubs, or sports teams. Swiss neuroscientist Solange Denervaud studied the impact of different types of education on children's brain development, specifically how young brains process mistakes (Denervaud et al., 2020). She compared children from traditional schools with those from Montessori schools.

In her experiments, she had children solve math problems while lying in an fMRI scanner. This allowed researchers to observe where oxygen was being used in the brain and which areas were active. The results were striking. Although both groups solved about the same number of problems correctly, they used different strategies to approach the tasks.

When Montessori children made a mistake, two brain networks were found to be active: the salience network, which determines whether something is worth paying attention to, and the executive control network, which can be seen as a toolbox for solving problems. Their strategy, therefore, is problem-solving.

Children from traditional schools, on the other hand, primarily activated the salience network when they got the correct answer and then used brain regions related to memory. Their strategy is thus remembering correct answers. In the long term, this means they are more focused on the outcome rather than the process. Additionally, it was noted that Montessori children attempted far more problems, whereas children from traditional schools tended to skip problems they were unsure about.

From her studies and experiments, Denervaud concluded that children in traditional schools avoid making mistakes because they associate them with strict judgment and perceive them as dangerous. Montessori children, however, simply see mistakes as pieces of information they can build upon.

This difference is due to the teaching approach. Denervaud explains that children in traditional schools often mirror what an adult tells them. They provide the correct answer in class—if not, they memorize the correct answer for the test. As a result, they do not develop the skill to correct themselves when something goes wrong. In contrast, Montessori education encourages children to solve problems independently and correct themselves using specific didactic materials. No one from the outside tells them, "this is right" or "this is wrong." Their classrooms include multiple age groups, students do not receive grades or punishments, and they are not competitors to one another.

According to Denervaud, the concept of grading itself is not necessarily a problem, but the judgment attached to the grade is. You can tell a child that grades are simply there to indicate areas for further learning, or you can present a grade as a final judgment—suggesting that a failing mark means the child has failed. The key lies in the meaning we assign to these grades. However, she refrains from calling this a "Montessori effect." She is quite certain that similar results can be achieved in other educational environments where children feel safe to explore—both cognitively and socially (Denervaud et al., 2020).

In the classroom, teachers can foster a growth mindset and help reduce fear of failure while promoting a safe learning environment:

• Create a climate where making mistakes is okay. Show students that mistakes are an opportunity to learn rather than a sign of failure. Use examples from your own teaching experience where you learned from a mistake.
• Give feedback focused on the process. Encourage effort, strategy, and perseverance rather than only evaluating the final result.
• Use grades and assessments as a tool, not as a judgment. Explain that grades provide insight into what they have already mastered and where there are opportunities for growth, rather than being a definitive judgment of their abilities.
• Encourage reflection. Have students think about what went well and what they could do differently. This helps them take responsibility for their own learning process.
• Ensure a safe group dynamic. Promote mutual respect and make sure children are not afraid to make mistakes in front of others.
• Push students out of their comfort zone. Challenge them with tasks that are just beyond their current abilities. Emphasize that struggling with something new is a natural part of learning.
• Reward learning, not just the outcome. Help students take pride in the steps they are taking, regardless of whether they have already reached the final goal.

Parents can also help their child cope with fear of failure at home by creating a safe environment where children can be themselves without fear of making mistakes or failing:

• Set a good example yourself: How do you react when something goes wrong at work? Do you avoid it? Where do you set the bar for yourself? And for others?
• Don't immediately solve everything for your child when something goes wrong. Let them find a solution on their own.
• Make children aware that making mistakes is normal when learning or trying something new. What can they already do, and what not yet?
• Give feedback on the process by encouraging effort, approach, and perseverance rather than judging the result.
• Help children learn from their mistakes instead of avoiding them. How can they approach it differently next time?
• Don't expect children to enjoy making mistakes, but help them see it as normal. From an early age, let them feel that failure is part of learning.
• And if children rarely make mistakes? Push them out of their comfort zone and challenge them with new things they are not yet sure they can do.

Lukt het je als ouder niet om de faalangst van je kind te keren, dan kan je altijd terecht bij de partners van Hoogbloeier. Zij kunnen je kind verder begeleiden bij piekergedachten, angstgevoelens en vermijdingsgedrag of perfectionistisch gedrag en hen versterken in hun competentiebeleving. Voor scholen bieden we ook pedagogische studiedagen aan, onder andere over mindset.

If you, as a parent, are unable to help your child overcome their fear of failure, you can always turn to Hoogbloeier’s partners. They can provide further guidance for your child in dealing with excessive worrying, anxiety, avoidance behavior, or perfectionism, and help strengthen their sense of competence. For schools, we also offer pedagogical training days, including sessions on mindset.

And what about the toddler on his little bike?

He was sitting on a bench with his grandmother at the end of the forest path, staring sadly into the distance. As I approached, I said to him, “I saw that you’ve been working really hard to learn how to ride your bike. That’s impressive!” I continued walking, and when I glanced over my shoulder a little later, I saw his grandmother walking again… he had climbed back onto his bike!

References:

• Denervaud, S., Fornari, E., Yang, X.-F., Hagmann, P., Immordino-Yang, M. H., & Sander, D. (2020). An fMRI study of error monitoring in Montessori and traditionally-schooled children. NPJ Science of Learning, 5(1), 11-. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41539-020-0069-6

•    Dweck, C.S. (2013). Mindset: How you can fulfil your potential. Constable & Robinson.

Copyright © 2024 Ilse Van Ginneken – All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical, through photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission from the author. Online sharing is allowed with proper attribution to the author and a link to this article.